Motherhood as an act of revolution

What is revolutionary?

I've been thinking about my personal definition of revolutionary. I've found some meaning for it in my life. For a long time I felt kinda sorry for myself, burdened and helpless as a mother. A lot of these feelings stemmed from the idea that I was a single parent. Alone, just making end meet. And, I say idea that I was a single parent because even though I was raising my children outside of a hetero-normative relationship and without their father, I was not the only person helping parent my kids. I, of course, didn't realize this at the time.

My cultural identity stems from Indigenous and African roots where the importance of family has been essential, how family has been defined has fluctuated with the needs of people who have been systemically oppressed and historically abused. Or so, I've learned. My mother and father, my brothers and sisters, cousins, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and femtors have all taken a part in molding my children's lives. In the same way that my parents, their brothers and sisters, cousins, aunts, friends, neighbors etc took part in molding mine. Even though the main responsibility always lies with me I know they got my back. I became aware of this at a time where I made a decision that went against the way I was brought up. I decided I didn't want to be responsible for having another child as a single parent, my family was outraged that I was considering options. Even the thought of considering an alternative made them sad, angry even. I was really angry too. It was my body. It was gonna be my responsibility to raise another kid alone, for the rest of MY life.

I cut everyone off for months, until two weeks before my son was born. I didn't speak to anyone. I literally would go to work, come home, go to school, sleep, take my other two kids to the park and ignore everyone's calls, texts, emails, etc. I had one friend, and one sister who supported me all the way through even when I pushed them away. 


Reflecting on the past, I've always loved reading and learning. A while ago, I was catching up on history. History that isn't often taught in school. I started looking for historical information about mothers of color in the US. The word eugenics kept popping up, in some cases linked to Planned Parenthood's sterilization of women of color. Contraceptives being tested for white women but on brown and black women bodies. It made a case for the reasons my mother and other women her age feared contraceptives. They literally were death givers to many women that looked and lived like me. 

I began finding documents retelling the disparity in removal and placement of children of color from their parents. Anti-immigrant laws that contribute to this disparity as evidence of that. During my hard pregnancy, my own experience with the huge effort that companies and religious organizations make to place children with white, rich parents looking to adopt made me shift my ideas so much. Guess it was a confirmation. 

I realized the power in my ability to bring children of color to this world in my own way, on my own terms and when I wanted. 

I suddenly felt that one of my most revolutionary actions as a cis-gendered woman of color, with the ability to carry a child to term, was not only to give life as a woman of color, but once I'd made that choice, to be proud of my creation and to be innately aware of the circumstances of my own existense. To be respectful, and aware that I my body had created a new life. Most importantly, to ensure that this new life was raised to understand the power of their words, the value of their lives and the beauty of their existense. 

So going back to the definition of revolutionary, I found several official definitions: of, relating to, or constituting a revolution; tending to or promoting revolution; constituting or bringing about a major or fundamental change. 

As a woman of color having children gave me the power to do these things directly. I have the power to shed things that hurt me when I was growing up. At the same time, I have been able to pass down and decolonize what made me strong. I can teach my children to love, respect and appreciate those around them while also infusing in them confidence in their knowledge and struggles. They can be nurtured to understand their spiritual potential and bring about change, to be the change they want in the world. To put words into action, because they won't have to unlearn and relearn if we begin deconstructing today.

This revolution I felt stemmed from a love so deep it doesn't just give life, it nourishes it. It doesn't just throw out seeds. 

It prepares the earth, waters it, adds compost, pulls weeds, lets seedlings thrive in the hard sun and ensures their fruit doesn't go to waste. 

A movement based on love cannot be stopped because it grows naturally. A movement based on revolutionary love, acknowledges that nature but also prepares for the unexpected violence that nature also brings. In adversity, revolutionary love flourishes, and overcomes difficulties. Even when mistakes are made it heals wounds and infuses new power through progressive transformation, because it learns from those mistakes. A revolution based on love will cause radical and fundamental change.

So today I felt like saying, I stand in solidarity with the women of the past who saw this vision and provided paths of choice and knowledge, understanding and genuine cariño that have led me to be where I am today. If there is one thing I can say I will leave this world, that will be the love I have for my children and what I've done stemming from it.