Headache: I'm happy I cried today

I felt my heartbeat pumping in my chest and all these thoughts raced through my head. I wrote back in anger and said things that I regret but in the end I was happy I felt something. I've been so in my head lately, getting stuff done. Staying up till morning. Thinking I don't want it to be night, cause all I do is toss and turn and think of things I left un-done. Most days, the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I am not giving up when I am so close. 
I have been through too much to give up today. So instead of feeling sorry for myself I choose to turn the other cheek and keep on walking cause no matter who mocks my efforts, accomplishments and story, I know that there is nothing that can tear down my desire to succeed. I know I will have many more sleepless nights, fights, and defeated moments but I'm ready, so bring it. 

Today I felt happy I cried. I remembered I am human. I am not superwoman and I have never claimed to be. I rather be mom, friend, sister or wife. 

Feeling tired, defeated, uncovered but still strong is what reminds me that I am invincible and I will reach the top. Join me or step aside. 

Comments

Natashia said…
My dearest cousin you are not alone I also feel this way most days. We try to accomplish everything, do everything, and be incredible at everything but in reality...I'm only human. Last night, I cried too because I was tired from a long 12hr shift at work(this includes 1 hr drive to & from work), I'm super late turning in an essay I can't seem to write, and to top things off I feel lonely and miss having my brothers and sisters around to keep me company at home. Keep your head up cousin nothing and no one can stop us from reaching our dreams and goals. Kudos to you for doing with 3 kids and a husband. All I have to deal with is Moose and a dog names Chucho. :] Whenever I feel overwhelmed I always remember the 13th Article of Faith...

13 AOF..We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

In primary they made us repeat it over and over until you learned it. It wasn't until I was older that I learned how true and enlightening this statement was to me especially growing up with the hardships we had to deal with. I love you always and forever. <3

Natashia
Thursday, March 15, 2012 5:36:00 AM
Jodi said…
Love this post. You write so beautifully friend. I am very proud of you... I remember just wanting to die that last semester, it's tough.
Friday, March 16, 2012 1:57:00 PM
Flor said…
Aw Tosh, love you cousin. Ughhh 12hr shift yuck! You are pretty amazing too, I always find it incredible how you find time to stay in shape on top of alll you do :) You have been through more than most people your age and you've done it gracefully, I look up to you so much for that. And thanks for the primary throwback. I've been kinda bitter about church since I moved to our new ward I need to get with the program maybe that will help me feel better :)

Jodi!!! Thanks my friend. You are going through a lot right now too and I feel proud of all the things you've overcome in your life. You are a great example of a woman who can get things done right. I also know you have a beautiful heart and I look up to you for being able to give so much to those who sometimes don't deserve it.

Thanks for both of you in my life. I feel a lot better today :)
Saturday, March 17, 2012 10:43:00 AM
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