Reflecting and learning about me

In January... I haven't written in forever! I've been really busy trying to get on track but I'm still about 6 months behind on most things. On sleep I'm probably behind 9 years, about Natalia's age. This past weekend was my first kid-free weekend ever. I say first because even though I have gone on trips, or out while my kids are being cared for by my family, I was still their primary caregiver. This weekend the kids father's had them and I had 2 days all for myself. I felt so uncomfortable! I feel taken a back by the way I felt. I had so many things to do to complete to work on but I couldn't concentrate and I felt incredibly sad. It made me realize how much I depend on my kids for my own happiness. I also appreciated them so much more when they came back. I missed their little hands, their little feet and their faces, I missed their faces so much.

Today... Another kid less weekend passed and as I am getting more comfortable and used to it I've become more comfortable with myself. I remembered how much I like silence, quiet and my thoughts. I've noticed how independent my heart is. How I long to learn & explore new places, new possibilities, new ideas. I have remembered that I like having some help and although it's only every other weekend it is help. The kids get to be around an entirely different family, customs, etc. They get to see how other's treat them. And in a sense to compare. I was scared of this idea at first but most recently it's helped me feel confident about my 10 years as a mother. I often don't give myself enough credit because I'm scared of all the things I know I've messed up on. At the end of the day, I've realized and am happy to say that overall I've raised confident, loving and happy children. Children who genuinely care about others, feel compassion for those around them, think about their actions, strive to be successful and understand very essentially critical issues that many children aren't exposed to.

Another thing I've remembered is how much I love reading and writing. It's what makes me happy so I think I'm gonna post more often :)


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