A lesson on spirituality

The last month has been a heavy one for my spirit. Today was a culmination of feeling drained. I told my husband that I was tired of feeling that I always had to care for everyone's feelings before my own. The kids, his, sometimes my friends and my family's. I'm tired of being strong and not crying. I'm tired of being the strict parent. I'm tired of teaching people about my culture, explaining why their comments are offensive. My spirit feels really skinny lately even though my body isn't so much. ;)

I was supposed to go to class tonight but I physically couldn't. After my outburst I laid down and reflected, which I haven't done in a LONG time. I thought about the past week and tried to find a way of connecting everything into a positive collective of learning. I think I realized a couple things. 

First of all, I need to slow down and enjoy time with my family, kids and friends more often. I am going to make a bigger effort to remind those around me that I appreciate them in my life. I also feel like letting go of a lot of my hurt feelings. I'm not letting negativity rub off and will also let go of any feeling that will prevent a reconciliation in the future. I am a nice person and that is not going to change because someone else isn't feeling like being one. We all have bad moments.   

Seeing others cry this week reminded me of what compassion truly means. The feelings of physically suffering with others became a bond with the human beings around me. I may not know all of them but I know their tears, I felt solidarity with their most basic emotions.

One huge thing I remembered that I had forgotten is my spirit. In Atlanta on Saturday we had a ritual to the ancestors by one of the members of the conference I attended. It was a mixture of African and Indigenous rituals. It was amazing to feel so close to the earth and it's spirit. It reminded me of the reasons why I started gardening and teaching my children about the outdoors. I remembered the tenderness of my heart and the pureness we all hold when we remember to be child-like and vulnerable. I remembered the ones who have passed and the feeling of closeness with their spirits is something I'll never forget. 

I know they are still alive and I recovered a new meaning for eternity, at least for me. The essence of the spirit and it's connections to other spirits through human, animal, plant and earth bonds cannot be interrupted by physical absence. These bodies are merely vehicles for a greater power, the power of our spiritual potential. When we realize this and begin to see this power in others that is when we become liberated from the pettiness and callousness of the world. Only then can we begin to build paths of freedom for ourselves and others. 


thepascuas said…
You are really sweet flor. I think you are great the way you are. You guys are wayy nice and its true you cant please everyone.
Def keep going and take it easy , listen to your body and to your spirit. Take time to meditate often so you can relax.
I hope you feel better.

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