I Am NOT Okay With it Either: Chris Brown at the Grammys

I just read this article that really hit home. (I quoted it several times below)

Disclaimer: I'm not writing about Rihanna or any other woman's experience with abuse to show hitting a woman is wrong, common sense should dictate that. I am writing this because I see a real problem lying in the hordes of people (especially young women) who are okay with what Chris Brown did and have expressed comments such as: "I'd let him hit me any day." Let me clarify: We are over the incident. NO ONE SHOULD BE OVER HIS ACCEPTANCE AS A ROLE MODEL.

I remember the feeling of embarrassment I felt when I told someone for the first time that my ex-spouse hit me. I'll never forget my doubting if I should even tell anyone else, after all, I'd opened the flood gate that enabled critique on my character. Everyone would wonder why a "great guy" like him would be motivated to hit his wife. What did she do to deserve it?

You might read this and think, ugh here she goes again. She needs to get over it. Her life is good now. She found a man who loves her no matter how much of a b---- she is. She got to keep the kids. I mean let the man live, right? If you thought this, analyze your thoughts. (and yes these are real comments I've heard about the situation)

But then again what's the point when your thoughts are backed up by figures like Chris Brown, Mel Gibson, Sean Brown, and the Grammys' committee, right? I mean no Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee voted in favor of reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act, why should we care? Why should every day you and me care?

We’re glad to have him back,” said executive producer Ken Ehrlich. “I think people deserve a second chance, you know. If you’ll note, he has not been on the Grammys for the past few years and it may have taken us a while to kind of get over the fact that we were the victim of what happened.”

Read that quote again. Think hard about what is being said. Here is what this quote says to any woman who’s ever been abused:

-By blacklisting Chris Brown from the Grammys for a “few” years (actually, a grand total of TWO Grammy Awards), the Grammys have gone above and beyond expectations for the social exile of an adult man who hit his girlfriend so hard she went to the hospital, and honestly it was really, really hard for them to show even that much support for victims of domestic violence worldwide.

-It was rather thoughtless of Rihanna to go and get herself hit in the face by her boyfriend, because it’s put such a burden on the Grammys. Maybe if she hadn’t made such a big fuss out of it, things could have been easier for everyone.

-The Grammys think that they were the victim of Chris Brown hitting Rihanna in the face.

-The Grammys. Think. That they. Were the victim. Of Chris Brown. Hitting. Rihanna. In the face.

Hitting People Is Wrong, Y’All

I agree that people deserve a second chance. It’s great that we live in a country with a justice system that allows offenders to reclaim themselves and their lives after their sentence. I’m happy about that, and I hope Brown is a changed man at the end of his sentence. (The US justice system has Chris Brown on probation through 2014. It was nice of the Grammys to let him off a couple years early for high record sales good behavior.)

Read more at ONTD 

The intense emotions I felt when I read this article reminded me how real abuse towards women and children really is. I AM "over-it" my last rant on it was about a year ago. I talk about my experience briefly and I've never shown photographs, given details or spoken publicly about what really happened.

But why am I telling you that?

Why do I still feel I have to defend myself and justify sharing my thoughts and stories?

I always think, what service would they serve and in the end it might only make me vulnerable.

BUT today this article really made me feel that I had a responsibility to talk about this.

Not because I am the only woman who this has happened to but because I am a woman who this has happened to that has a voice. 

Maybe some one will read words that will get them thinking critically about the world they are living in. The environments they are raising their kids in.

We’re accepting the message that women just aren’t that important, that their health and their safety and their self-respect is only important until it stops being convenient for everyone. We should be angry about this, and we should be angry publicly about this.

So I want to say this to anyone who is listening: This is not okay with me. A man hitting a woman in anger is unacceptable and is not easily forgotten or forgiven. A man who hits a woman in anger deserves to be reported to the authorities and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, regardless of who might be inconvenienced in the process. A man who hits a woman in anger may eventually be permitted to go on with his own life, but he is not permitted back in my life, even if it’s been three whole years.

Read more at ONTD


Anonymous said…
Thank you for saying everything I've been feeling. I was assaulted by a man like a week before the incident with Rhianna and Chris Brown. Unfortunately, theres no justice for the women. Men serve their little sentence appointed by the court and its all done for them. Women however get no emotional support. We have to go through the roller coaster of the court system, and the backlash that normally follows for the rest of our lives. Even today, the day my pfa is expiring I still feel shunned when I try to talk to people about it. It hurts and unfortunately its something I now have to live with the rest of my life.
Flor, I meant to comment on this the other day when I read it in Google reader. I think it's great what you're doing and that you're speaking out. Your stories are so important, especially for the other women who many not feel comfortable or safe sharing their own.

Thank you for always speaking out and being the voice of advocacy. I know it's not easy, but it's so valuable to so many women. <3
Flor, I was physically ill watching those Grammy's when he got up to perform. Not once. BUT TWICE. What bothered as much was the fact that he took to the stage twice, when not a single Latino group was invited to perform. But that's another issue.

You have a strong voice, Flor, and I respect and admire the ferocity with which you wield your sword. You'll make a great lawyer and advocate, Amiga.

Have a great weekend. Un abrazo.
Jodi said…
Great post Flor. Totally agree with what you said. He disgusts me. What he did to Rihanna was wrong on so many levels, but especially because he is a role model, when you are in the public eye, you are granted still human and bound to make mistakes, but this was beyond a "mistake". He showed a generation of young men that you can hit a woman and "apologize" later. No real harm was ever done to his reputation. And violence against women is never okay! NEVER! But on FB someone mentioned men being abused by women. I have seen that too, and it is just as horrid, so I will encompass any kind of spousal/dating abuse, both physical and emotional.

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