Is Blood Thicker Than Water?

It's kinda sad when people outside your "family" value you more than your "family" does. I have a lot to say about extended family but I am always too respectful to put personal business on the web. Lately though I've noticed I'm not the only one that deals with stuff like this, might be helpful to vent, a little. Thinking about it the people I am venting about probably won't ever admit they read my blog cause they want to keep making me feel unimportant or like an outsider....

Anyway, here goes:
For a long time, I would try to impress my extended families by sharing my accomplishments. Joining conversations where what I said was an intelligent counter point. Giving them gifts I made, or planted. I took time to talk to my kids about them, teach them about their families... I tried inviting people to do things, or I threw parties with other people in mind.

I guess they were kind of naive gestures. Because for a long, long time I assumed all my family cared about me as much as I cared about them.


Then, I began to remove this thin veil my mother had created. The one that shields you from people's meanness when your little. The one I sometimes place on my children because I don't want them to feel rejected or bad.

I began to realized not everyone was like my mom and dad. Some people are mean. Some people will not like you. Some are jealous, some just can't stand to see you do better than them because in their mind they are better than you. And it burns them to see someone who they look down on rise above them. Some will even wish bad upon you and well you just gotta get over it and keep walking.

For a long time I was really let down and almost bitter. I decided to have the mentality of screw everyone that's mean to me or my kids. I secluded myself from a lot of groups and all of my extended family.

I developed an understanding for my mom and dad and the way they raised our little family to be close enough to tell each other our problems and our secrets. I won't say we are perfect but we all know each others dilemmas not so we can judge or think we are better than one another but to help each other up. I learned this is what family is really about. I saw it in my mother and father's example of always, no matter how hard it was, being there for anyone they called family or friend. There are many people who because of my parents generosity didn't go homeless or starve. Even when often times, they went to bed starved.

About a year and a half ago, when my son was born, I decided that I was gonna make a conscious effort to be my nice self again. I found myself encountering the same attitudes, desprecios, turned up noses and judging eyes but this time I didn't care because my heart was prepared. 

My sisters hear my complaints about my feelings being hurt after I put together something with love that was turned down with indifference. But that's where it ends.

I am happy with my life. It's not perfect but it's mine and I have control of it. If the people who have an opportunity to be close to me don't take it because they choose to judge actions of the past, or lifestyles that are different than their own then I can honestly say it is their loss, or maybe it's not because it will prevent a lot of bad feelings. 

Something I've learned with all this is that sometimes blood isn't thicker than water. I can honestly say I have some friends who I consider closer than some of my "blood" family and it's okay. In the end, in my Gods eyes we are all brothers and sisters. Some came from the same mortal lineage but we all came from the same heavenly one. 

I've posted about my father and mother's words: You don't have to be nice to others just because they are nice, you need to be nice to others because you are nice :)

For now this is all I will post. Maybe soon I'll be brave enough to talk more specifically. I look up to Bicultural Mom for being able to do that on her blog....


Comments

Jodi said…
Wise words, "be nice to others because YOU are nice." I have similar feelings to you on this issue.
Donna Sparrow said…
I love that last quote too! You are correct, and my husband always says: "Just because you were born family, doesn't mean you have to stay family."
I try hard to keep family ties in place but, then again, I ws born into a family that kept that easy for me. I applaude your efforts and, regardless of how your "family" receives or rejects you...ALWAYS know you did all you could, and that is enough! Keep on keepin' on, Girl!
Giron said…
yup yup. "family" is what u decide it to be. love the ideAS. at this point its hard for me to keep being nice. part of me wants to just erase everyone i dont like. to close off never see them again. but u always remind me to keep positive. to be nice cuz im nice. thanks for the words.
thepascuas said…
I cukd probably write a whole book on this. Gees we are similar.

Its great to always include people in ur life, but ive learned that its somethng that is just given to anyone.
Now that im living in a dream with my baby , i learned t value my everyday . That i may be surrounded by tons of people but not all of them deserve my full attention when i dont receive it in return.

Es mejor andar con pocos, que con muchos q te hagan dano, no les importes , y con gente q no vale. Sea familia o amigos.

U have great parents, siblings , husband, children..what else matters ? U are complete.
Shahny said…
Your mom is a wise wise woman! Love her quote- I jus might make it my motto from now on :)

It's been hard for me to learn that sometimes blood isn't thicker than water but everyday is a new day and I have to remind myself to jus be nice and not go-out-of-my-way-to-be-nice. Whether or not I'm perceived as "nice" doesn't and shouldn't matter because I know in my heart that I am.

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