Yes, I know I'm beautiful

Recently I went to a cool conference, I've talked about it a bit already. But this week I was reminded of one of the pieces I heard there.

I am not my hair. I am not my skin. I am not your expectations.

There was a quote in it from this song:



I have been thinking a lot about self esteem and our bodies. What does it mean to be confident and to love ourselves? How can we embody that honestly?

I know my husband always quotes me in saying "sometimes, you gotta fake it til you make it". But when do you draw the line. How long and how much can you fake? If you hate how you look outside how can you truly love what is inside?

This week I cut my hair…

He he floating head pictures are funny! The kids love this one so I had to share it...
Nati is very creative, she makes clothes for her dolls, she uses old outfits and clothes to create new looks. She likes doing her hair in funky styles and she cuts her own bangs all the time. (she's getting better and better)

I used to get so frustrated to see her hair cut or her shirts torn into new styles. But slowly and surely I'm starting to love her style.

On Monday morning Natalia saw a picture of a girl with half her head shaved, she asked if I could cut hers like that… I said okay lets do it. And so we both cut our hair like this…

Most people liked it. A couple said I was "too old" to be doing such silly things. Some said, "whatever makes you happy" or "wow your crazy"…

I'll admit I liked the attention my new hair brought. Everyone had an opinion, but in the end I'm the one who wakes up with my head on my shoulders, with my hair my face my smile. And I like what I see. It took me a while to love myself.

I always felt I would look a little better lighter skinned or slimmer nose or wavier hair. Maybe if I didn't have such bushy eyebrows or pesky facial hairs. Maybe if my waist was slimmer or my skin perfectly clear. My stretch marks lighter or not even there…

I had this really awkward phase were I would try everything invented to look like other people. I couldn't find myself. The day I gave up on being pretty, I uncovered my skin, my hair, my expectations. I realized I was beautiful all along but I couldn't see it with all the junk I was covering it up with. Contacts, dye, unflattering clothes, mascara, concealer, eye shadow, liners... you name it.

Last night I read some old emails from when Isaac and I were separated. I mentioned it to him he got kind of upset. He said, "why do you save stuff like that"

I thought about it and then later I went and talked to him about it. I told him that I save everything I write because it is a part of who I was and how I became who I am today. I have a plastic box full of old pictures, journals, letters and other recuerdos. Some are sad, some are happy, some are just memories. I've never been tempted to burn them or throw them out. I like having them, they remind me of how long I've come.

Every part of me is who I am today. My scars, my marks, the lines on my face, my short hair, my long hair. Every single hair, every spot, every layer of skin is me.

The same crinkles my old journals have… The same time that ages memories, ages my body, my heart, my soul and I become more and more of who I am today.

I love myself. I love how I look when I am taking care of my body. Not when I'm skinny, not when I'm overweight but when I know I am valuing who I am and what makes me, me.

My body carries my life, my spirit and that is why I should love it. It took me too long to realize that for myself.

Comments

Isaac Giron said…
cool post.
Isaac Giron said…
men of color have lots of issues when it comes to hair too. like akon says in that song. we really dont talk about it i think but i know that if i have my hair a certain way we wont get jobs lol
Gissellegirard said…
I like it flor. i love memories, the good and bad.
And I like the hair, if people dont like it... well then thats tooo bad.they just hating lol
I say confidence is loving your imperfections, they are the true beauty :)
loved this post!  love your hair also!  the day "it" clicked w/me and i realized i love my curves, stretchmarks, etc...it  felt great!  Like the song was saying we are the "soul within".....  

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