Forgetting God

Lately I feel real sensitive.

I cringe at a drip, my eyes squint in darkness, my belly pops and I jump. Heavy, weighed down by mush, like a ton of feathers so wispy, wind-flirting alone, so heavy when together. 

I think I figured out why tho.

It was something I remembered from being a kid. 
Something I accidentally forgot cause school/church/everyone had me looking for the light. No fortune, physical or abstract, is worth what my spirituality and my family mean to me. 

I can try to explain man's world inside and out with figures and facts.
Theorize up da ass. Absorb all the shit the academy feeds me. 
But, really... who cares. I can't change it. I can't change what is, what has been.

So, instead I write down what I can make.
I write down what I can create.
I write down paths. 

I path, planned happiness for my family and for my friends.
I path, backups to my backups. 
In the paths, I carve understanding.
And through the paths
[because I can't change what other people have done, what other people continue doing...]
I carve the scars doing and done have left. 

Paths need to be ready to change, so I path myself and
I path to stand tall after I've shed my skin.
My skin sheds often.

Often I stand alone,
[as long as the place where I am standing is in constant transformation,]
I am happy.
Sometimes I stand with a partner.
A couple of times I've stood with a group.
No matter where I'm standing,
there are those who fly above [my spirits, my family] wherever my feet are planted. 

Because of those in flight, I can beam hope to those who feel lost.
To myself.
I beam hope to myself.

Because of those in flight, I can fire up the path that was carved.
I can hope others feel the warmth.
Those winding roads covered with tears, pain and suffering that I can't erase,
I add to them as I feel them up.

The walkways of black darkness shunned of white light
they lived without the light, and so I learn from them.
Then, I add to them, as my fingers slowly caress their warm darkness.
Looking for answers that light can never bring.
I learn to embrace the blackness in lightless life.
Who said white light was the way anyway? 

The trails of so many souls who barely made it with luster no brighter than a brilliant moon.
Roads of knowledge paved to ensure those who follow would grapple with love and find the old ways would lead them home, in darkness & warmth. 

So many tears, so little fear.

So much to do, legacies intertwined just sitting waiting to open their destinies divine.
Nothing we could by ourselves device. Nothing light could shine on.  


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